it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
