I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
