Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
