well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
