dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
