i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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