You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
