You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
