In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
