I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
