you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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