He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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