Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
