I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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