I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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