i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
