Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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