whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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