why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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