I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
