I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you never un-have a 4some
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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