As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
