Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
