i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
