Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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