Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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