whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Come on in and take your pants off
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