While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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