He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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