I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
