I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
