mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
