i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
