i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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