so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
