Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize