Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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