evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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