Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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