he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Randomize
