I could have mohawked her pubes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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