saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
