like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
