Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
