yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
