Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
