Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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