Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
