He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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