she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
