They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
