The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
jump out the window naked night went bad
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
