what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
